Before thinking

In yesterday’s post, I talked about our ever-shifting landscape. But of course, in case it wasn’t obvious, it’s all a mind construct — i.e. our thoughts create our reality.

But what comes before thought? 

If, like me, up to the age of 43, the beat of my existence was enthroned in the conditioning that opined upon doing and/or status and/or extrinsic reward as the name of the happiness game (and of course I generalise like hell) as opposed to going as deep as to question what (if anything) exists before thinking. That’s not to say I interminably dwell in the ‘…before thinking’ space, instead, I’ve come to accept that life — all of it — is a mystery: a formless, moving, shifting experience. To arrive at that point has meant questioning everything and not to be afraid about stepping into a place of not knowing. Does it mean I’m different? I’m not sure but I do know that none of this really matters, which will jar with a lot of you in the midst of this egregious pandemic, but that’s how I see it. I don’t say that lightly but it really doesn’t. I mean, we might want it one way and not the other and we might have a long track record of success with which to demonstrate that we’re in control and that’s wonderful — truly — but having spent years trying to understand the whole willpower thing, what I’ve come to accept, and not really reluctantly, is that I’m not in control. I could give you countless examples and of course we could split existential hairs about who really is running or ordering our lives (it sure as hell ain’t no homunculus) but that wouldn’t prove anything. Then again, you might want to look a little deeper at some of the decisions you’ve made and ask yourself why you made that decision and not another one? And I don’t just mean the superficial ‘this’ or ‘that’, I mean why or how you ended up where you are with so many choices available. But I digress.

Back to my thinking point.

Normally, if I opine on this point I talk about Flow as made famous by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and that feeling of being in the zone. That’s one way to look at things but I’d invite the question:

“What is there when there is no thinking?”

And I might say:

“Just this.”

But of course: a) that doesn’t take us very far; and b) what are you supposed to do with something which in truth can’t be spoken of — i.e. the wordless?

And I think that’s the dilemma I face in trying to share what might loosely be described as a non-dual way of seeing the world. It leads to a dead end.

Or does it?

I’m not sure. Even to acknowledge that everything is changing and we’re not (fully) in control should leave you feeling, I’d hope, a little more relaxed about your extant situation. It might do the complete opposite and leave you feeling hopeless. Again, I can see that. I mean, if ‘it’ is unfolding of its own accord, then you might decide to throw in the towel on whatever dreams and aspirations you have. You might. But that’s like saying I’m going to sit here and do absolutely sweet FA. Try it. You’ll move. Nature will see to that. And after then? Who knows.

In the final analysis, whether you’re interested in something this abstract is a moot point. I mean, it’s not like I’m selling you anything and even to talk in these terms exposes me to the possibility of ridicule and that’s fine. Really it is. 

Anyhow, have a lovely day.

Blessings, Ju

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