Don’t despair

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
― Anais Nin

You’d think, by dint of my lament at the loss of nature, climate change and the crushing effect of BS jobs, that I’m depressed with the world.

I’m not.

Sure, I feel tired of having to say the same thing, to little or no effect, but anyone who knows me will understand that I’m apt, from time to time, to fall prey to a modicum of ennui. Don’t we all?

Anyhow, if you saw my Twitter stream yesterday, you’ll have seen me share, not for the first time, this poem of Charles ‘Hank’ Bukowski:

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

Otherwise, don’t even start.

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe even your mind.

It could mean not eating for three or four days.

It could mean freezing on a park bench.

It could mean jail.

It could mean derision, mockery, isolation.

Isolation is the gift.

All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it.

And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.

And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

There is no other feeling like that.

You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.

DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. All the way

You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.

I know why it’s arising: I feel a crushing sense of disappointment in wasting so many years doing work of little significance, which (as hard as it is to fathom) has delivered unto my soul, again, the heat of my passion to create. And no, I don’t just mean these whimsical, slightly (at times) overbearing blogs; I mean I need to create more of my art that, God willing, might ignite a spark in us, or at least wake us from our narcissistic torpor.

Will that change my feeling of loss apropos the obliteration of nature and climate change? No. Never! But my creative zeal is what’s coming up right now, and it feels the perfect antidote to any amount of grief and despair.

In advance of any new work, thank you for turning up and reading my material. It means a lot.

Deep bows.

Take care,

Julian

Photo by Timon Studler on Unsplash

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