One Life Writing

Making sense of our lives

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
― C.S. Lewis

Rarely do we look within.

Instead, we speed up, slow down and hope that meaning will emerge.

It never does.

For the past five years, and probably most of my life, I’ve been on a journey — a journey of self-discovery. To begin with, I thought a semblance of order would be found in climbing the corporate ladder — in fact it was a series of rather archaic ones — but to no avail. There was always a sense of…“Is that it?”

The longing drove me mad: just as I thought I’d arrived there was always something to knock me down — mostly though it was in my head and manifested as part of the imposter syndrome.

I’d like to say that I had some great epiphany but it wasn’t like that. Instead, it felt, and still feels, like a slow unfolding. First, by an acceptance that I wasn’t made for law or it for me, and I needed to express my gifts in other ways — speaking, writing and self-inquiry — and more latterly by an acceptance of life as it is, and not how I would wish it otherwise. If that sounds ethereal, it probably boils down to being at peace with who I truly am, even if, for some people, they don’t trust or understand what they see.

Perhaps this is no more and no less than stepping into my space, a space gifted to me by presence, rather than buying into a pseudo life-affirming gig we call work.

At the end of the day, life is life and whilst it’s easy to be seduced by the big questions like What’s my purpose? and Why am I here? ultimately we have to be prepared to disavow what we thought to be true, and be more accepting of everything.

In short, we have to embrace everything and no-thing. Sadly, if we don’t then we’ll end up chasing shadows at every turn.

PS. The greatest challenge we all face is to live without divide, i.e. what people see in the world is who you truly are and not some faux version brought about by years of conditioning or the expectation of others.