Currently, I work as a lawyer.
Thankfully, not in private practice but in-house.
I’ve been at my current company for nearly two years, and before that I spent six months doing a similar job for a software company.
I’m grateful for the opportunity — the people are nice, the work isn’t too taxing and the daily commute, both ways, is no more than one hour — but it’s not me.
Sorry, I know you’ve heard me say this many times, and you’re probably thinking why I don’t do something different but I really never expected to be back practising law having left it (or did it leave me) in August 2010.
I will, but not right now.
You might ask why, then, do I keep writing and turning up on social media? It’s a good question and one that I’ve considered many times. The truth is, I don’t know. I don’t need to: there’s nothing more at stake then trying to hold onto whatever capital I’ve managed to build over the last decade — and it’s tiny, trust me.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve got so little else going on in my life. If I was heavily involved with my village, a local charity or developing my skills for an off-grid life, then I wouldn’t have the time to write etc.
I suppose it’s a case of priorities.
I know that there will come a time where it will be a case of put up or shut up, and, by then, I hope the sense of expectation I still feel for my true Self message hasn’t left me. One thing that still concerns me, though, particularly as I’ve never published anything to elucidate my message, is how I position and promote my message. No, I don’t mean to bug the crap out of people but to share my love of something that’s been such a big part of my life and which I’m convinced could transform (inter alia) the workplace or professional service firms — the two areas where I’ve got the most experience. It’ll probably be an old school approach — e.g. lots of networking, telephoning people who I think might have an interest and if I’m lucky the odd referral. But then again, I’ve also considered the idea of a new School of ideas where I can bring together like-minded people to bridge the gulf that so often exists between soul and role.
Imagine it, your work was more, a lot more, than a means to an end.
But really, this isn’t my true work. Yes, it would be nice to explore with people how work can become more meaningful whilst still making a reasonable income but where my heart resides is waking us up to true Self, which is no more than complete acceptance of this moment. Love in action might be a way to think of it or seeing Self as something more than an egomaniac who’s been conditioned to believe that doing = achievement.
Oh my god, that sounds so pretentious. What the fuck do I know about you or your life? Nothing. Absolutely nothing but then again, if my experience is anything to go by of (a) the work environment and (b) trying to live a life true to who I am, then I remain convinced that even in sharing my experience it might help to shine a light on a new way of seeing the world where we’re not forever caught up in our dualistic thinking.
In one sense, I’m setting the bar very low — I mean it’s not like I’m promising a radically different or even better life — but then again, how many of us feel as if we’re living two lives, namely the life we live, and the unlived life within us? I did and might even still do but at least through assiduous shadow work I’ve acquired the insight to understand the possibility that the present moment offers. Yes, that’s right. It’s easy to disappear into a snakeskin of emotion when we’re looking for an escape from this wild and (often) wicked world but if we’re willing to examine the unexamined part of our lives then we might find ourselves a little less anxious, a little less emotionally charged with the trivia and rest in a space of quiet contemplation.
To be clear, I’m not offering anything new. In fact, at best all I see me doing is holding a safe, quiet space for you to question your actual experience of life; namely, what’s happening right now, in this very moment?
Not much, eh, but it’s all you’ve got.
Just to round things off and to be clear, in the interim, before I finally escape my legal career, it’s my intention to continue to write, to share and even, if I get the opportunity, to speak and share my deep love and affection for life — the greatest gift of all.
Thank you to everyone who continues to comment on my writing and to engage with me. It means the world.
Much love ❤️,
If you’re interested, I offer a limited number of places for coaching clients where I ask you to consider your direct experience of life and what it means to awaken to true self.