“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there” — as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering —the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.” ― Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
I’m tired of saying the same thing.
But I know that’s just a thought, and my awareness (colourless in (un)form), doesn’t give a damn.
It’s not correct to call it ‘my’ awareness.
It’s just knowing-awareness.
Think of it this way.
You know you’re aware of your thoughts, feelings and emotions. And that awareness is the screen upon which a movie (your mind) is projected. The characters change (your thoughts), but the screen just is.
You might say (and you’d be right to) that talking about knowing-awareness is another thought. And to the intellectual self it is, but when there is no thinking, awareness is ever present.
From an ordinary, day-to-day perspective, you might say that what I’m describing is a pile of crap. And you’d be right but that’s only because you live in your thought-induced world.
But are you your thoughts?
What is your direct experience?
They come; they go; they’re like background noise.
But are they you?
Yes, they are.
Go to the source. Find it now. And then apply your logic in order to change them to (inter alia) improve your thinking about and your circumstances. You can’t or not in a way that will ever last.
But there again, it’s not thoughts we’re talking about.
It’s the knowing-awareness of your thoughts.
Absent the knowing, what is there?
What I’m pointing to is the fact that until you come to a point in your life where you’re willing to look beyond your thoughts, feelings and sensations — i.e you live inside your body/mind — you’ll never escape the tyranny of making yourself happy by changing your outer circumstances.
You think that in order to be happy you have to order your exterior world. More money; a better job; different relationships; and a whole host of other rewards.
Good luck with that one.
Instead, you need to find a way to go beyond your thinking. The foremost way is self-enquiry — “Who am I?” — but that’s not the only way. Sitting and observing your thoughts and resting in awareness can be as helpful if only that you begin to or break the link between the idea that someone is in control of your thoughts and the inalieable ‘knowing’ that there are thoughts. If you see that, you’re already further down the road than most people.
In standing back from this post, I do appreciate how difficult it is to apprehend what I’m trying to say but, trust me, if you think you can perfect your life by bettering your exterior world, you’ll never get there. Instead, go to your direct experience and ask yourself:
Who am I at the deepest most fundamental level?
And see what, if anything, emerges.
Of course, if you think I can help with the process of self-enquiry, don’t be afraid to message me.