Who knows?

“And in that moment, I felt my own ignorance spread suddenly out behind me like a pair of wings, and every single thing I didn’t know was a feather on those wings. I could feel them tugging at the air, restless to be airborne.” ― Frank Cottrell Boyce, The Unforgotten Coat

It’s that time again.


I’m not complaining. In fact, I know it’s my time — the time when I’m fully alive to what the world has to offer.

And, yes, I repeat myself (way too often), but I’m blessed.

Blessed to be loved; blessed to have the energy to create; blessed to still want to be here; and blessed by the Gods of chance who still, I believe, have work for me.

Right now, my sleep is pretty awful. I’m lucky if I get three hours straight; the rest of the time, well, let’s just say it’s fits and lots of bloody starts.

Early to bed — tried that.

Dialled down on the screen time — and that.

And a whole host of other remedies.

Nothing works.

I figure it’s just a phase and perhaps with a break coming up, just changing my daily routine might improve my night-time peripatetics.

The work right now — the paid legal stuff — is relentless. To be honest, I don’t mind being in the thick of it but my ire is only skin deep, meaning, there’s only so many times I can have the same conversation about the same thing. What was it Einstein said? Do the same thing, get the same bloody result.

And what, Summerhayes?

And what exactly?

And then there’s the rest — of my life!

I’ve been here before: something’s stirring to the surface.

It’s hard to articulate and, certainly, I don’t want to ‘put it out there’ right now, but let’s just say I’m dialling in the Gods and waiting for a sign. Any sign will do and I really hope it’s one that doesn’t exhort the honourable thing, namely, to keep quiet and go about my legal business with as little agitation as possible.


That won’t cut it to my subversive Self!

If I’m going to step up to the legal practice plate then it has to mean more — a lot more — than thrashing about in the weeds of another prolix contract which, frankly, no one really cares about save that they all want it off their desk.

Also in the mix is my deep connection to place, my ancestors and a culture that’s not one generation deep — more like a decade, sadly.

And then there’s the whole spiritual thing. You know the drill:

“Be — drop becoming” — Osho.

By now you might be thinking this guy’s all over the place. And I suppose I am. I’m certainly not settled on some grand scheme where I change the world but then again, one thing that’s sustained me this past decade is that even though the human form can exact a very heavy toll on the earth and is in dire need of waking up to the consequences of its actions, nevertheless, I’ve not given up believing or honouring the fact that we’re more loving, more connected and more mature than we might previously have portrayed. And, yep, I realise that sounds pretentious, bordering on heresy I’d say qua ‘who-am-I-to-tell-you-anything’, but then again, nothing’s going to change unless we do.

Will we?

Ah, the $64k question.

Will we indeed.

Until the next time.

Take care.

Blessings and much love, Julian

toevsmisha@mailxu.com connington@mailxu.com