I’ve been in the trenches for over 40 years.
It’s been a slog and, sadly, I see no escape.
When, eventually, I call time, I’m not sure there will be much to write about. Lots of thrashing but very little wisdom.
Compliance, even though I’ve railed against the system at times — but (of course) to no avail.
I used to think that having a side hustle would make the main event easier to bear but when there’s no depth to what you’re doing or you’ve no talent, (in my case at least) you quickly run out of steam.
One day hopefully my life’s work will come into view; and I’ll know it’s that because for once in my life I’ll find something where I don’t have to try…so bloody hard.
And if that sounds antithetical to the notion that to be something we’ve got to work ourselves into a white heat of excitement then that’s not my experience. No, if you want to be something, you have to inhabit a deep, soulful space.
If it’s any consolation in working towards a day of “don’t try”, you might want to check what’s inscribed on Charles Bukowski’s grave. For a bloke who didn’t try, he sure managed to produce some gut-wrenching, radiant poetry.